Forgiveness..

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...when I was practicing the meditation on forgiveness...

Initially, my mind started scolding me in a very sarcastic way, it laughed at me and said, "why are you asking for forgiveness, when you were doing 'the' mistake at that time you lost your awareness and now you are asking for forgiveness. Go to hell!!" It felt like there is a small innocent baby inside me with a devil.

When I asked myself to forgive me, it (my mind) started taunting me.

When I was forgiving the 'other person', I could feel my breath becoming so deep and deep. Particularly when I was looking directly into that person's eyes. 

And when that person was forgiving me, it was kind of a neutral feeling.

The more I was practicing it, the more I (my mind) was becoming stable. But at the end, it always asked me, "My dear, what if you repeat the mistake AGAIN?"

and that was the moment I got scared, because I did not had any answer to it! :(

.

.

I went to my teacher, and asked the same question to him, "Bhante, what if I repeat the mistake again?"

He looked into my eyes and said very compassionately, "Do not entertain your mind, rather tell it to go out and have a cup of coffee, tell it to be in present where you are; FORGIVING YOURSELF and THE OTHER PERSON." He continued, "When you 'actually' start forgiving yourself, you sort of strengthen your 'will power' of not repeating the mistake again," "Tell your mind to not think about future 'what if or what if not' ...be in the present and keep practicing Forgiveness."

Sister Khema shared, it is okay if you make a mistake. DO NOT convert it into a Guilt. If you are doing mistakes, that means you are learning. Do not let your mind control YOU. 

..and that was another moment when I broke down in front of my teachers. After sometime, when I was leaving the meeting area, they reminded me again, "when you are forgiving someone or yourself, do not go into the stories like what were my mistakes or what were their mistakes, just simply forgive yourself and them for causing the pain. DO NOT GET TRAPPED INTO THE STORIES !!! " 

Comments

  1. Poetry by Kanika Singh21 June 2021 at 00:12

    Wonderful !!🤗

    ReplyDelete
  2. Unknown23 June 2021 at 22:36

    Just now read all ur blogs. They r wonderful n right from the bottom of ur heart. Amazingly simple yet significant..!!

    ReplyDelete

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